Daft over-the-knee socks to go under your wellies: check. Skimpy, bum-baring denim shorts: check. Oversized sunglasses: check. Oompa Loompa orange tan: check.
Welcome to the world of foolish festival fashions where style and sense collide as a fashion-fuelled generation attempt to battle Britain’s inevitably bad elements while still looking uber-cool.
There’s no getting round it, wellies never have and never will be fashionable. You can paint them with as many patterns, swirls and animal prints in as many colours as you like but they just ain’t cool. Fact.
Throw a rain coat into the equation and you’re well on your way to becoming a crumpled pair of bell bottoms lost somewhere deep in the second-hand fashion pile that’s headed straight for the charity shop.
Wading through the inevitable moshpit of mud in six inch stilettos or braving the rain in a slinky jumpsuit is just plain stupid, so how exactly are you supposed to maintain your fashion-forward style at a festival?
Well I must have missed the memo that stamped the crazy look of combining wellies, knee-high socks, denim hotpants and a perma-tan as cool, and to be honest, while I’m no Anna Wintour, I’m kind of glad.
While many girls managed to pull of the look with a certain panache, I would feel nothing short of an uncomfortable fool waddling round in wellies and skimpy shorts.
The order of the weekend for most men wasn’t much better because the sun shone and seemed to simultaneously order them all to whip off their shirts and parade about like testosterone-fuelled peacocks flexing their over-worked pecks.
Boring we may have been but sat in my skinny jeans next to my t-shirt clad husband, some of the fashions the festival offered provided almost as much entertainment as the acts on stage, and I look forward to seeing what that memo I won’t be sent brings next year.
(Photos courtesy of Press Association)